Meet me beyond the darkness
by Amaonye
Summary: Swanqueen from Emma's point of view. Season 1, Emma brings Henry back to Storybrooke, a drunken night spent between Emma and Regina leads to blurry memories. It's hard to understand that your heart is turning black when you don't believe in magic and all your thoughts are centred on the mayor. M for language and themes. I do not own any of the characters only the plot is mine.
1. Chapter 1

I wished not to be alone on my birthday. I never expected that 'not alone' meant I'd soon find the love of my life, soulmate, whatever you chose to call it. It started as hate but the line between love and hate is so thin. Nearly as thin as line between good and evil and for me, that line is snapping like a twig. But if a twig falls in an inhabited forest, does it make a sound? If I never let anyone get close to me, will nobody hear my cries?

* * *

I knocked twice on the large white door and just when my fist was going on for a third one a woman opened the door. She had short black hair, her lips were painted a surprisingly appealing scarlet red and her very fortunate hourglass physique was made obvious by the tight skirt on her.

"Henry! You're home!" the woman opened her arms expecting a hug but instead received a cold look from her adoptive son. "And you are?"

I tried to stumble across some words, any words to explain that I am the boy's biological mother.

"I'm Henry's mom."

Shock flooded Regina's expression, making her beautiful eyes sink and her upper lip appear thinner. A tense smile came onto her face.

"Well, I'm Regina. You are Henry's _biological_ mother. _I_ am his mother. Would you like to come in? I have some apple cider I'd love to have someone taste."

I didn't exactly feel like I had a choice, it felt more like a command and less like an actual proposition. Regina's living room was large with not enough furniture to fill all the space. I sat down on her white couch slowly and carefully nearly as if I was expecting it to explode at my touch. Regina bought in two crystal glasses and set them on the table pouring apple cider in, nearly spilling it over the edges of the glass.

"Sorry, I like my liquor in large proportions. But that does not affect my parenting." Regina had quickly added the second part and it came to my mind that maybe this woman was just as nervous to meet me as I was to meet her.

As I brought the glass to my lips, the doorbell rang and Regina quickly attended to it. A tall man with brown hair, a strong physique and a sheriff's badge didn't wait a second to pull Regina in for a fierce kiss and as soon as their lips touched I looked away allowing them to have their, well, moment. One of the his hands was holding onto her ass and the other was making it's way down her tight, black skirt.

Regina quickly pulled back and looked toward the living room where I sat, silently, and I heard agitated whispers followed by a door closing. I was trying to forget what I'd just seen, the tight grasp the stranger had at her waist, that look of utter pleasure that had appeared on the woman's face for a minute before turning into embarrassment, the man who was biting Regina's lower lip and whatever his hand was reaching for down her skirt. I found it fucking hot.

"That was very inappropriate of me and I'd like to apologise" Regina adjusted her skirt and sat on one of her armchairs before taking an abnormally large sip out of the cider.

"Was that your husband? Henry's father?" I felt the conversation go slowly like time had stopped to which a quick fix was drinking from my glass. I was surely drinking the strongest apple cider I ever tasted.

Regina shook her head.

"No, that's Graham, the sheriff of the town. We're involved, that's all."

"Sheriff of Storybrooke, right." I thought to myself still not understanding the irony that Henry believed everyone here is a character from stories and the name of the damn place!

We both sipped on our ciders throughout the evening and into the night until I realised just how late it was. I stood up and fell, that cider was clearly much stronger than what I'd expected. Regina came and helped me stand up and she sat next to me onto the couch.

"Are you sure you should be driving home in your state?"

I told her how I had to get home and I couldn't stay here. As I was talking my hand softly brushed her thigh and I felt shivers spreading throughout Regina's body.

"Sorry." I smiled awkwardly, I stood up and walked to the door. "Thank you very much for having me and well goodnight."

I made my way through her garden, past her apple tree and I could see her waving from the door. I waved back and saw Regina close the door. The blurry figure of my yellow car waited for me by the road. The corners of my eyes darkened and soon my vision was blocked and I felt myself walk into someone. Though I had no idea who it was, I heard myself apologise and try to stumble to my car. The somebody grabbed my hand and asked me something along the lines of 'are you okay?' and I remember nodding and smiling, basically trying my best to convince the stranger that I was sober and fine.

The man sat me down and brushed some hair of my face and was talking what sounded like gibberish to me in my state. I could hear words here and there but the voice, deep yet so soft, was nearly hypnotising. Suddenly rain started pouring from the sky, slightly clearing my sight and helping the nausea I was feeling go away.

"Come on give me the keys to your car I'll sit with you for a while but I'll have to keep the keys so you don't drive away alright?"

I handed my keys over to the voice and he opened the car and we sat in the backseat away from the rain. The inside of the car felt colder than the outside air but at least we weren't soaking in there.

As the voice kept talking in it's calming way and kept touching my hair, I went in for a kiss. He returned my plead and our lips locked with our tongues working together inside our mouths. His hand travelled up my thigh and I could feel him unbutton my trousers and pulling off my red leather jacket. He took off his clothes and he fulfilled me with gentle kisses down my neck to my breasts and lower. As pleasure flooded my mind, all I could imagine was Regina's tight skirt lying on the bottom of my car and her scarlet lips stroking my bare chest and I did see clothes on the bottom of my car but they weren't Regina's. Instead, all I could make out lying in the middle of our clothes was a sheriff's badge.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up to the bright rays of the early morning sun and the strong smell of alcohol attacking my senses, feeling the car seat's imprint digging uncomfortably into my back. I remembered nothing of the earlier night, not even what I was doing in my car. As I stood up, half naked and freezing, I greeted an expected piercing headache. Every second I spent in this wretched, crappy place called Storybrooke felt poisonous and I just knew I had to get out. After throwing on yesterday's T-shirt, jeans, red leather jacket and some boots with no socks, I opened the car door and flinched at the bright light outside and soon realised just how hungry I was. Oh, what I'd pay for a stack of pancakes and some coffee.

Storybrooke felt like a surprisingly deserted town considering the amount of buildings. Tall school houses and shops, all either empty or the people were simply a very quiet population. 'Granny's', a shabby building that looked like it would offer hot beverages was on my left and I decided to drop by, but just for a second before going back home. A bell rang as I opened the door causing most likely Granny herself to notice me.

"Well hello dear, what can I get you?" Her voice was sweet and soft like every grandmother's in every fairy tale.

"Just some coffee and a muffin. Please." I sat down at the counter.

"Oh dear, you look like you need something a little less bitter than coffee. How about some hot chocolate?" Seeing as Granny was already preparing the hot cocoa I couldn't refuse.

She sprinkled some cinnamon on top of the whipped cream floating on the cocoa and I took a sip. I had really needed it, I felt my body warm up, my spirits rise and my mouth fill with sweetness. Granny's was empty except for one woman, late 20s, short brown hair, palest skin I'd ever seen and the sweetest, kindest expression.

"Hello. Couldn't help but notice that I haven't seen you around a lot. Are you new here?" The woman had an incredibly soothing voice, like a mother's, all my worries were gone.

"Um, no. I don't live here I'm just grabbing breakfast and then I'm out of here."

The stranger came towards me and pushed out her hand.

"I'm Mary Margaret. I teach here."

I returned the handshake.

"Emma. You wouldn't happen to teach a young boy named Henry, would you?" Inside of me I felt the need to find out more about this boy to whom I'd dedicated less than a year of my life, including the pregnancy. It was a strange feeling, nothing like I'd ever known before. I knew I shouldn't care for the boy or I'd get attached, yet, I felt responsible. I knew it was wrong but it's true.

"Henry! Oh, he's an amazing boy with such an imagination. He believes all of us are characters in a storybook, it's very cute. How do you know him?" No matter what came out of Mary Margaret's mouth it sounded kind and said with such love and care.

I hesitated. Should I go around telling strangers that I'm Henry's mother who has no intention of staying here? And yet, I'm curious I'm curious about who teaches him.

"I'm... his mother."I had to add something, anything. "I know about the character thing too, well, who does he think you are in the story?"

For some reason I wasn't expecting her to answer my question, I was waiting for a larger reaction maybe excitement or shock though I didn't know why. It felt like quite large news that a boy finds his biological mother after years and years. But no, Mary Margaret continued smiling in her motherly way.

"No wonder, he looks a lot like you. He thinks I'm Snow White. Are you anyone in the book?"

"Yeah, your daughter." Having those words come out of my mouth felt ridiculous, the woman was probably younger than me. Why did I even say it?

Mary Margaret laughed. "Actually, I'm late for his class I should go. I'd like to see you more often here Emma."

She left Granny's and I sat there, alone, sipping on my cocoa and eating my muffin.

The sun didn't warm the streets, there was a soft cold wind causing my face to feel stretched and thin, like it had been worn out by time.

When I left Granny's I went to my small, yellow car that was parked some distance from the Mayor's mansion. I started driving away when the thought of Regina's tight skirt and scarlet lips confused my mind. The town limit was getting closer as memories from the drunken night before started coming back to me. The rain, the man, the heat of his skin against mine. Oh my god it had been the sheriff, the man Regina was 'involved' with.

My thoughts were cut short, a excruciating pain stabbed my heart. Was I having a heart attack? I lost all control of my car which then swerved off the road and into the town sign. My head hit the steering wheel and I was struck unconscious.

* * *

My head ached, I directed my hand toward it and it hit some damp blood on my forehead, the pain in my chest was gone. I opened my eyes and looked up. All I could see was a white sign looming in front of me, that read:

 _WELCOME TO STORYBROOKE_


	3. Chapter 3

"Damn it, damn it, damn it!" I got out the crashed car while cursing that town sign for being there.

There was only one direction to go to and that was Storybrooke. Again. Just as I'd nearly managed to get out, I was back in that rat hole again that forced you to meet your unwanted children, get drunk and sleep with your son's adoptive mother's lover.

I was walking toward the town while pressing against the open wound on my forehead. The bleeding was already dying down and the nausea and dizziness was finally leaving me alone. The closest house was the Mayor's which was inhabited by the one person I did not want to be in contact with right now but I had to get help as soon as possible. I blamed the whole thing on Regina. She's the one who got me drunk in the first place, leading me to sleep with her 'involvement' also known as the sheriff, she was also the one who's tight skirt and irresistible lips appeared into my mind causing the whole damn car to crash!

Already her house was peeking above the tall oak trees. I walked through the garden and all the way to her door where I my hand in a fist and I was about to knock on the door when it opened and Regina came towards me.

"Emma? What happened to you?" She was looking at the wound on my head as I was trying to explain the whole situation leaving out the part about the pain in my chest and- right. The pain in my chest. I'd forgotten all about it. I didn't know if the Mayor was the right person for me to talk to about it.

"My car crashed against the town sign. I need some help getting it off the road and my head-" I was cut short by Regina picking up her phone.

"Leroy, can you go get a car and fix it? It's by the town sign." Regina hung up. "That should do it, your car will be working in no time. And about your head, I suggest you see Dr Whale about that. You'll find him at the hospital, just keep walking down the road until you find a large white building, similar to my house. Hope everything works out for you."

She shut the door and left me wondering what exactly had just happened. The wound seemed to be bleeding again as I felt a drop of blood drip off my chin onto my shirt.

The hospital was fairly easy to find and at this hour Storybrooke seemed less deserted and more alive. I entered the large white building. I must have been out for quite a while after the crashsince the afternoon sky was already slowly darkening towards a cloudless night.

"Miss? Let me look at that." A male doctor in his late thirties came towards me and his badge read 'Dr Whale '. He lead me to a room where he sat me down and asked me a few routine questions about what exactly had happened before giving me some stitches and telling me I could be on my way. He walked me past a room where a man was lying in a hospital bed and next to him I recognised Mary Margaret, the woman whom I'd met the day before. She was sitting there just talking to the unconscious man. Dr Whale and I walked to the lobby where he told me when I should get the stitches removed in a while and handed me a card with his contact information 'in case anything comes up'. Just as I was about to say my goodbyes, I doubled over in pain, my heart once more felt like it was being pushed away from my chest, breaking all my ribs on it's way out. I lay there on the ground nearly passed out from the pain, the cold marble hospital floor draining all the heat from my body through my cheek as Dr Whale and a few nurses rushed over and the last thing I remembered was a nurse picking up the hospital phone, dialling in a number and putting the phone to her ear. "Madam Mayor? We have an emergency."

* * *

My body felt loaded with drugs, which it probably was as I woke up from a troubled sleep in an uncomfortable hospital bed.

"This town really doesn't want to let me go." I thought over and over again seeing as it was the only logical explanation to all that was happening. The town just wasn't allowing me to leave but that doesn't make any sense did it?

My room was an empty, typical hospital room which smelled of cleaning detergent and hand sanitizer. The whiteness of the walls, floor, tables and sheets messed with my eyes and it all felt blurry for a very long time. I didn't feel like I was awake or like I was sleeping. I was in that room alone with my thoughts. Outside I heard Dr Whale talk with a woman but here, on the inside of the room I was lonely. Memories were coming back to me from that first drunken night. When I slept with Graham and then nothing. That's where my memories end. Except from a fuzzy moment when someone had come and seen us in my car. We went somewhere and I remember Graham screaming. Was I making all this up because of the medication I was on? Did it really happen?

The door opened and Dr Whale came in with his neutral face and tired eyes.

"You can go now. There are no abnormalities in your body, it might have been because of the crash." He was pulling all the tubes out of me. This was all so sudden, what if the pain came back?

"There is something wrong with me and I don't know what it is. That pain is what caused the crash I need it to be looked into." For a second the doctor stopped unplugging me but proceeded again faster than before.

"Unfortunately I'm not your doctor anymore, I can't look into your case. I'm sorry Miss Swan." Something was wrong and I could feel it. Nothing felt right.

"Well I need you to get me a doctor who can look into my case then. This is serious, I could be dying for all I know because your refusing to treat me." Anger built up inside my body. A doctor couldn't ignore a patient in need of help. Could they?

"Miss Swan, Emma. No doctor here can treat you. It's all I have to say." He pulled the last plug out of me and he left the room.

I had to get a last word in. I chose to yell after him no matter how crazy I sounded.

"Who gets to decide whether or not I get treated? I'm willing to pay for my treatment! I will sue if you don't!"

Dr Whale walked back into the room the neutral expression still painted on his emotionless face.

"Miss Swan, no one here will treat you, end of discussion."

"Under who's damn authority are you fuckers acting?" I couldn't afford to care about my words anymore, the whole town was one, massive mad house.

"I'm sorry Miss Swan no one will treat you. Mayor's orders."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** I've been updating daily since i began writing this and this is the second chapter I'm posting today so I'm hoping I'll be able to keep updating as often as possible. And leave reviews for ideas and inspiration :)

Regina was ordering the doctors to not treat me? I would have to drive miles after miles to get to the next hospital. What if I had another attack during the drive? Would I be stranded, left there to die on empty, lifeless roads? I needed to walk right out this hospital and all the way to the mayor's home and there I'll give that woman a piece of my mind, she had no right to chose who heals and who dies.

I left the hospital my body full of drugs and my mind full of hate. The way seemed shorter as I sped through Storybrooke streets, past Granny's and the schoolhouse all the way to the large white building with the grand apple tree guarding it. I thought my fist would break down the door as I knocked with all my strength trying not to pay attention to the pain in my sore knuckles caused my the car crash.

 _No answer._

"Regina! Open the door!"

 _Silence._

"I will break this door down if I have to!"

I heard footsteps approaching the front door followed by the sound of a lock opening. Regina appeared in the doorway. I stormed right past her into her house, I knew I was being irrational but I couldn't even stop myself, I wasn't in control of my own choices, pure rage was my leader.

"Mayor Mills, you have no authority whatsoever to decide on my fate! Maybe my condition is nothing but I really doubt so. I could be very ill and even you don't have the power to make the decision you just did." I was pacing in her leaving room waving my hands as I spoke, probably louder than I should have.

"Actually in Storybrooke, I do have the power to make the choice. It's a policy, you can't argue with that." Her voice stayed calm and cool as it always was, she didn't give a shit about what happened to me. She's probably take pleasure in seeing me dead. Did she think I was here to take away her son?

"You know what? _Screw_ your policy, _screw_ the whole damn Storybrooke! I want to get out of here but I can't! Not like this! I'll die on the fucking road!" I hit her mahogany dining table with my fist, which hurt like hell but Regina didn't need to know that.

"Miss Swan, I have no interest in whether you live, or die because I don't want you here. I want you far from my son!" Her tone began to change from calm to protective and revengeful.

"Your son came to find me! I didn't ask for him to come to my life! All I did was wish with a candle that I wouldn't be alone on my birthday but here I am! I'd rather be alone- I 'd rather be dead than spend a minute more in this damned place!"My common sense led me to the door and I really did want to leave but somehow I couldn't.

"Well trust me on my word Miss Swan, you will be dead if you stay here any longer." Was she threatening me on my life?

Regina had crossed a line there was no return from. She turned around and began to go up her stairs.

"Regina don't you turn away from me! Henry was right. You clearly are a character from a story. You really are the Evil Queen."

"Well, miss Swan," I wasn't sure what to expect but I knew what she was about to say she's regret. "Your parents were right. You are useless, I'd leave you on the side of a road too."

She had no right to say that. I turned and left the house I couldn't take in anymore. I heard the door shut behind me as I felt a tear stream down my face.

How could she have said that, she couldn't have. No, she really couldn't have: I never told her about my parents leaving me on the side of the road. She couldn't have known, it made no sense.

I turned around to head right back to her house but I collapsed. Once again, my heart was crumbling in my body, into pieces. It was killing me slowly. This is it, I thought I'd die there, on the road with only the thought of destroying Regina on my mind. I must have passed out since I felt like I was sinking into a painful trance of agony and death. I really believed it would all end there, in Storybrooke without me ever finding out what had caused my passing. But instead of greeting death, I greeted Regina's figure. We were in some kind of basement, it was dark and was only lit by a few candles. The room was filled with boxes in shelves. She was holding something glowing and red, it had dark patches all over it and I'd never seen anything like it before. I was about to ask her what it was until I remembered I'd seen one before, only a few days earlier the night I couldn't remember anything from. A flood of memories from that night came back to me suddenly. I remember the strange glowing object had been in a box labelled-oh right-it was labelled Graham, yes that was the sheriffs name! Right, the sheriff who was 'involved' with Regina whom I'd slept with that night. And inside the box had been a red glowing object just like that one and-and... and I had crushed it really hard because Regina told me to and Graham had screamed and he'd... he'd died. Oh my god. Regina was holding my heart in her hands.


	5. Chapter 5

Realisation struck me. This woman was holding my heart in her hands. She was holding my life between her fingers. How was I still alive and breathing? This was against the very laws of human nature. I moved myself around just to make sure I was really still alive and sat myself up.

"Mayor Mills?" I looked at Regina just standing there as she turned around clearly not expecting me to wake up so soon. "What are you doing?"

She stuffed the heart into one of her boxes. It came to me that probably all these boxes contained someone's heart, for all I knew, everyone in the whole town was controlled by this sick sadistic maniac.

"Swan. You're awake. I'll be honest with you, you weren't exactly supposed to see that." She turned to face me and with every word she said she took a step towards me.

"See what? I don't even know what I saw! I saw you hold something red and glowing that's all and I have no intention of even finding out what it is." Though this woman had no power over me, her presence made me shiver and I couldn't stop feeling overpowered and small.

"Oh, Miss Swan, I know that you know more than you're letting on."

"What?" Though her sentence was perfectly-well, quite understandable, I wanted to avoid having a conversation with this psychopath.

"Listen Miss Swan, I believe you remember parts of the night when you hooked up with _my_ lover. Don't you?" I froze. She actually knew? "Oh yes, I know it all. Don't you remember? I took you to my house with Graham of course and drunk on the cider, I managed to convince you to murder Graham. It might sound stupid but I had to get you to do it because I really couldn't kill someone I was so close to after such a long time."

"Such a long time since what?" I could probably call this situation 'being held hostage' seeing as I was being kept in a locked room without my consent, as soon as I got out of there, if I got out of there, I'd go straight to the police and get the bitch arrested.

"A long time since I've taken a life, Miss Swan. A long time since I've murdered, killed, destroyed a human being, crushed a heart, Miss Swan."

I wouldn't be lying if I had said at that point that I was afraid because I truly was. So afraid that my spine and scalp were filled with shivers and my stomach was ten times heavier than it usually was and-and my head, I couldn't think straight it was all so terrifying.

"Listen Regina. I'll just go on my way and I won't tell anybody what I've heard or seen and you'll never see me again I promise." I could hear the fear in my own voice as I started to stand and looking back every few steps I made my way through a long corridor. I hadn't expected to let me leave like that. I felt relief until from the end of the tunnel I heard Regina yell:

"You forget one thing Miss Swan. I have your heart. And I _command_ you to turn around and sit right back to the corner where you were before."

My legs turned themselves around and forced me right back through the corridor into the corner and onto the floor.

"Miss Swan. I'm not here to hurt you for God's sake! I'm going to help you. Everything that Henry has said about the fairy tales are true. I am-was- the Evil Queen and now we have a problem but so I can help you I'm going to need you to believe because if you don't, you won't understand how serious what I'm about to tell you is.ç

I laughed out loud. "Please! You're going to tell me to suddenly believe in magic and fairies and witched? I'm a 28 year old woman and I don't know what kind of sick game you're playing here with your props and-and everything but this is madness."

"Oh but it isn't." Regina started pacing in front of me. "Believe it or not, it's all real and right now you're in danger."

"Oh, are the dragons coming to get me?" Sarcasm probably wasn't the right way to go in this conversation seeing as this woman was off her rocker and utterly mad.

"Miss Swan! This is no joke! I made a mistake, I was angry and jealous when I saw you with Graham and because you crushed his heart, well, you're going to face the consequences."

Though I didn't believe a word Regina was saying she had somehow managed to catch my attention.

"Consequences? You mean like, the police is after me or something?"

"No Miss Swan, I mean your heart is well, turning black and seeing as you're the saviour which is basically a person who represents all the good and light in the world so-" She muttered to herself and I anxiously waited for her to finish her sentence. "Because you're pure and good and you suddenly do the worst thing anyone could possibly do, well, the process of your heart turning completely black is, shall we say, sped up."

I felt my stomach sink. If this was true what exactly did this mean?

"Wait, Regina. How long do I have before my heart is 'black'?"

She looked at me straight in the eye, without blinking.

"Anywhere from a day to a week."


End file.
